One Day at a Time

So, my workload is pretty heavy with the postgrad studies being pretty intense, but I am plodding along and hoping to get better and better.

I have been getting to know my classmates a bit better. There are a few mature students and the group is pretty international which is great. There is this one woman who I am a bit curious about. No, I am not attracted to her...but I am curious. She is from South Africa and she is married and it occurred to me that she seems interested in getting to know me a bit. I've been so in my head that it has only just crossed my mind that she has made one or two attempts to actively reach out and engage me in conversation. Yesterday, when I said good morning to her from across the room, she came over and chatted with me and then as the class was about to start, I was surprised when she dashed back to her seat and eagerly grabbed her things from her usual seat and came across the way to sit next to me. I think even the people she usually sits with might have been a little surprised, but I thought it was nice. Admittedly, I have wondered about her sexuality a little. She said she is married, but I do wonder. Hey! I'm always intrigued when I come across sexually ambiguous people - especially women. Again, I am not attracted to her and, to be honest, I don't think I am ready to start anything with anyone right now, even though I would like that level of connection and companionship. I try to keep an open mind, but am being as sensible as I can about this as well.

Things have been a little challenging emotionally, at times, but I am managing to keep things in perspective as much as possible. I don't like admitting it, but I kind of miss C. Then, again, I ask myself if I really miss her or if I just miss the companionship. It is probably both. C used to take care of me in a very nurturing way. There were times when it was mildly smothering, but overall, I liked it very much. It is very easier to get into this mindset where I begin thinking I will never find this sort of nurturing or love again; but I have been working hard to remind myself that there are tons of people out there who will give me what C did and even better. I know there are people out there who want exactly what I have to offer in a relationship and who will have what I want, as well. It will just take time. My job is to go about my business, living my life, and working on myself and becoming the best person I possibly can - not for anyone else, but just for me. I also want to really focus on doing more with my life and achieving the things that I most want.

I do get quite lonely here, but I am also trying to be patient and understand it is a period of adjustment. I often think of my friend who died when I was here in the UK studying before. I think of the really great times we had and how much she taught me. I also think of how I met her when I first arrived in the UK and I wish I could meet someone now as lovely as she was...

May I will...maybe I won't....

Whatever happens, I'm taking everything one day at a time....